It's been a long two years-

I never used to go two days without talking to my Mom, and now it's been two years. It's just crazy to even think about. I was able to picture how it would be to not have her in my life because I seriously couldn't imagine it. She was always my first phone call for everything. But I guess that's why God gave me an awesome husband. He knew I'd need a new person to call about all the mundane things in my life. And people say you miss someone you love every single day once they're gone. And I do. And in strange ways, a certain song will come on, or I'll smell something that will bring a memory back, or something will be "christmasy" and I'll laugh because that's a little joke between us that has NOTHING to do with Christmas.

It's strange to think I have a new adorable family member that she never got to hold, or snuggle, or smell (because he smells SO good) and his smile just brightens the room. And I know she would have loved him. And sometime I wish I could just call her one more time and tell her all the things that have gone on in these past two years, because she was the best listener, and always knew the perfect thing to say. But mostly I try not to think about it, because it makes me sad.

And it wasn't planned tonight, but we had our first official meal on our new dining room table. It was Steak N Shake before Rich and Miles headed out to the Star Wars concert together. It was one of her favorites and I smiled to myself. So appropriate. Our lives will never be the same now that she's gone. But I'm so lucky she got to see her children grow up, get married and have babies and share in so many important parts of our lives. I'm lucky she met Clark and got to see me become a mom. And I'm lucky I was given a great Mother in Law, who I can call with all my random parenting and cooking questions, and that loves my children *almost* as much as I do :) And an awesome Gramme whom my boys adore. And seriously amazing friends and family who are here for me in so many ways. So as much as today really sucks, and always will- I am lucky and I can't forget that.